Thursday, June 24, 2010

I'ma set the city on fire, thas on everything..

   I guess the new me wasn't really working out, the new issues I was approached by I admit I couldn't really work em out, I assume now I have to go back the older me like in the older days, of course this applies to those of you who knew me back then and experienced a tad bit of my older ways, my future wasn't so bright back when, you could just label them my darker days.
  The tides have changed dramatically, I'm only expected to be someone untouchable, I don't know if I'm suppose to seclude myself in order to make this happen, but apparently that's exactly what the fuck has happened, I can't complain for the troubles that hold hands with my struggles, they always end up building me higher then they've torn me down, despite that, shit it still takes toll on me and wears me out from my insides out, and you can really tell like it's your own word of mouth.
  Time is of the essence, I'm obligated to make some crucial moves, I've made a few, now I'm very happy and excited about where my life is headed, even though I don't always approve of the person who led it, fuck it though, I'm still in my ways cuz I'm instilled in my ways, you can say it's embedded, success is mandatory even if I don't want it, It's a part of my characteristics, my demeanor, personality, If I'm not able to obtain it, my last request is to exchange that finger for a gaut, point it to my face and blame it.

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Can we pretend I'm amazing: Tangled Up In You

Can we pretend I'm amazing: Tangled Up In You

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

Tangled Up In You

Just because I deserve it doesn't mean I will settle for it, My gifts range and one is speaking metaphoric, You should have nothing against me if you have nothing on me, If their is no way you can assist me then your just a walking zombie, either that or your someone who plans on walking on me, Don't test me or try me, Don't walk near me or by me, Anything I do for me is by me, I'm always in sticky situations so my counter thoughts have to be slimy, I can get out of any jam, Its impossible for me to give any damn, All my fingers are meant for blaming, All my cruelty is meant for taming and all my actions are meant for shaming, I have no fears that do not coincide with dripped tears, I never wish upon disappearing, Only reappearing, My eyes are meant for steering and my peripherals are meant for staring, My past is meant for haunting, My present is meant for scaring, My future is meant for caring, But this gift i speak of, Yes, This gift, This gift is meant for sharing. 

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

Thursday, April 1, 2010

take only what you need from me

 I don't need to be one of a pair to fulfill my dreams, because when your alone it's easier to weave the thread through the seams, when your a needle in a haystack every direction you face is a point of attack, keep the ones you love on the blunt side of your character, if you don't want to hurt them don't involve them, forget how you feel, lonely and what not, your being selfish and thinking short term, now if they force their way into the path of your point, well then that's not your concern, family aside, if you don't take the talent God has graced you with and stretched it the length of your potential, how can you say you lived a fulfilling life, you dare sell yourself short?, you dare slap God in the face for not partaking in the power he hath put forward for thee?, I guess there was meant to be optimism in everything, fuck it though, we choose our own path in life even if it's foretold, destined to be can be altered to destined for me, I'm my own God, I say what goes and what stays, what blows and what sways, whats grown and whats stumped in my life including the persons surrounding me, I know for a fact if I stop what I do, good or evil, it will take a draining toll on them and will hurt them to see me hurl, it will also keep them from benefits, believe me I'm modest about my shit, this age of mine is merely a restriction and tab in this real life journal, my accomplishments are foot notes, but in reality their footsteps, new prints to a trailblazing of its own path with no destination or purpose, if your a smart person you would keep an eye out for the things I do and get anything you can with my name handwritten in cursive.

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

Friday, March 19, 2010

Give me room or give me service..Na I'll take both..Room Service

I don't want a girl that is digital, like a retired matador, quit the bull, I'm not ready to settle down but in the future I'd like a girl that I can take arm in arm to the spirit world, I have too much pending on my future to dedicate right now but if that one person only understood then we can overs stand, the whether not's and any unpredicted rain by the weather man, it's gonna take some father time and come mother nature natural, I can picture it now, it's camera perfect, I can paint it too, It's priceless worth it, from outside looking in I'm less deservant, but in some pass time passed past tense I'm indebted to you, loyal servant, all is catered, all is altered, all is tailored, best of the best, elegance is in order, the alter is the starting line to this marathon, let me land first, I'm so fuckin fly all the time I don't know what planet I'm on, shit just happens, I don't plan it at all, and I'm an artist so don't expect the expected or something traditional like the dun dun..dun dun wedding song, I just can't help myself, like i stated prior, The only way I know how to help us is to first help myself, I don't want to be right off rich, I want to be well off wealthy, shit, all the green I see in my future, best believe were gonna die healthy, just give me a little elbow room so I can devour the plate God has served to me, why wouldn't I eat if he keeps blessing me, I still stay full through all the yada yada that is testing me, the way I'm grubbing levels out the suffer, faithful at worse, I'm there at the first and last supper, obviously soon I'll be rich and apparently soon I'll be famous, glamor, glitz, diamonds, silverware that is stainless of course those fancy self start whips, but your the only profit I want from my grind and out of all of this, I just want to achieve my potent potential so I have to grind to my death, I want to be the only dick you grind on and the only dick you die with, I want to die kissing you with the very last of this taken for granted earthling breadth.

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Damn, So much has gone on since I arrived in Houston. Everything from the horrid mishaps of the train ride(more like a roller coaster) to the excitement of finally seeing the studio. Me and Gerry, safe to say business partner, have amazing stories that lead into the extraordinary story of us meeting and our legacy is in the works. We are the only people suitable for this calling. This is a responsibility that no other can handle or is capable of. We don't know exactly what the hell were doing or going to do. All we know is were here on the stage now with eyes on us, a spotlight, and the odds stacked against us. Oh, and we must not forget the people who are hoping we fall on our faces. Were perfectly capable of getting on with this movement even though we have our weaknesses, but we are slowly beginning to pull together as one and fill the cracks to the barrier needed to keep negativity out. We have so much to do and organize. It's like grow up or die. Fall into a repeating pattern of our race, father's or community. We want to be the people that everyone idolizes and can go to for nearly anything, not only because we want to but because we wish we had someone to do this for us. Everything in the past will be forgotten for now. Fuck what I accomplished and the hardships I went through to get to this point. I look forward and press on. When I find a resting place I'll look back reminisce and laugh. Then keep going. I get a rush from people relying on me and second guessing, not to prove anything to them, but for myself. I am my own experiment, and I'm creating a monster. I don't want to be a ripple in time. I want to be a fucking wave. No matter how much you love me or hate me. If you know of my existence I changed your life and theirs not a damn thing you can do about it but jump on the band wagon and kiss my ass. I said it many times before, and I say it again. Art is the only thing that will save us in the worst of times. Deep depression of recession. Not a theory a fact. Do your homework.

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

My sheep will follow.

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

I have a few days left in this nameless town. I can hold my chin in the air when I say I have accomplished what I came for. Because the reason I did come here is to find out why I came here. What was I running away from? What were my intentions with a grandmother I don't have the best relationship with and a grandfather I don't know at all? I like to think everything I do will ripple upon the influences to the people closest to me. This black and white era of my life was surely predestined. I always knew I wanted to get away and what a great opportunity it would put before me. This experience has allowed me to step outside this large box and get a peek at my life and pinch of the world I'm missing out on. I came here to look for some kind of closure to the past in search of a door for my future. I certainly was not going to open a door sitting on my ass. Not that I do. I have gotten far in a short span of time. I'm proud of that yet still modest for I know I could have done more. I know I will eat myself alive if I dwell on the "what if's". I just take what life gives me and run with it. I don't do a lot of shit for the glory or compliments, acknowledgment or money. I put every ounce of energy I have into my art because it is my god given talent and I would be a fool not to use it to make an impact on the world to it's intended potential. I simply look at the things I previously listed as markers, as to where I came from and where I'm headed. And all I hope for is that I leave an everlasting impression in the sands of time, my legacy means the world to me. I want to be spoken of highly from prideful forgiving mouths of all ages. I want people to over hear that conversation and feel the urge to butt in, just to get a feeling of warmth knowing that they aren't the only one who I have impacted. That's what the fuck I want. I want a moment of silence for bittersweet reminiscence. I want that tingle on the spine, whisper in the ear, awkward eye contact, sugar on the tongue sensation when my name is merely uttered amongst a chaotic crowd. Yeah, I want it that deep. Now is the time to make this happen. Even through all the hardships and teary eyed agony I've prevailed I like to think it was preparing me for what lied ahead. And if not. I'll make it be worth something because I have to power to do so. I see this as my second coming. The world has wondered aimlessly without my guidance long enough. I'll stay true to my work and my sheep will follow.

Monday, January 18, 2010

I'd give my life to live my life

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

 I guess my biggest fear is loving somebody with all I have to offer. I can't imagine loving a soul as much as I love art. I don't think it possible to have enough room in my heart. This passion i share with my art in no less than a teeth grinding obsession. Without a tool to express myself besides my god given utensils attached to my body theirs a nervous twitch. An ache in my bosom that desperately seeks a cure for this. All this attention to one being may put me in a mad house. It's my gift and my curse. My life and my hearse. I now understand why Van Gogh gave his ear. He knew nothing else to offer but something of equal value to her. The love that burns inside of me is not of human nature. So I must conceal it and flush it upon my canvas and papers hoping that nobody understand what I mean by them, or that I mean them. I pray their is a place beyond this world for a person of my nature. Where sacrificing any amount of flesh for someone I love will not be looked upon as disgust. In Jesus Christ sweet suicide he gave his whole body for us. I'd give it all for my art only to please people who have no fucking understanding for the things I do and say. Fuck you. I love you. All in the same energy. I carry the deepest hate and the most loving love. Just as my art expresses. I churn your thoughts with evil depictions and happy colors to cover the inhumane and like guineas you accept it because only hypocrites would reject it. Anger and evil is as much in us buried away as love and kindness is upon our surface. We are made off all the energy around us. Only a fool would deny. Art is an excuse for getting away from the norm and getting away with anything. So I leave you with this, whatever your thoughts may be. Fuck you, I'm an artist.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Among Men

Johnathon Michael Espinoza: my mind i am a God..the almighty creator of everything that is
angelic and demonic speak evil against my art is blasphemy..i
endure being shunned because when the latter days draw near i will take
my throne from the poser's that dare to hold my title..then i will show
the world that i am worthy of the name of that which i am given by
showing the work of my hands..but till this day i will watch from afar
and bless the few that believe in me and my words and the miracles of
my work with my it might seem as if you are among few but i see
your good will and by the thousands shall others stand in your defense
for they will be made believers in due time..i leave u with these words
my have your wings.

Monday, January 11, 2010

pathetically impatient

  Hmm..let's see. It's so different here. Some people wouldn't believe I made the move. Then again they do. With me the unpredictable is the predictable. Lol! I sound like an arrogant bastard. I'll let you be the judge. I tell people: me and my art are one in the same, so whatever is said about my art, is the only way I can be explained. This way people can look at my art and know a little bit about me. After all, their are shards of me embedded in the code your mind is attempting to crack. I try to the best of my ability to allow people to talk and explain their ideas of my art. We don't know ourselves as much as we would like to. Maybe some strangers words can depict me precisely and I'm not being receptive to it and I pass up an opportunity to change my life forever. In the same sense, I like to let them ramble in their own universe about what they perceive about my art before i say a word. It intrigues me greatly. Everybody's minds work different. If they relate to it in a way that I can not explain then the piece may play a huge role in their life. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. That doesn't mean all  the words your hearing are the same as mine. I've been sketching in only ink. Black and white. That's how I see my life at this point. Make a fucking decision and stick to it. Forget the gray shades for now. I'm my own guinea pig. I have nothing to lose. Everything is going to effect my art in a different way, but none of my experiences will alter my talent. Oh, but I love color. I have the habit of turning the darkest most demonic art into angelic colorful art. It really fucks with your mind. I want to sneak the offensive into your mind where you accept it because the colors make you feel differently then your eyes want you to see. They gasp over the black and white sketches but their eye balls shall vomit at the sight of them colored. I can't wait!

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I too often overlook the little things

 The more i sketch, the more i find out about myself. My time in Arkansas has become somewhat of a meditation. I isolate myself from all outer influences by locking myself in a room with only my sketchbook as an outlet for communication. I talk to my art as if it were another person in the room that I have never met. In seeking the deepest most unconscious thoughts I begin to figure how much I really don't know myself. This can't be me. Oh, but it is. I often stress myself out thinking of how i can get better and what more can i do. Always thinking of the next step. This is when I realize I need to slow down and look at the steps I missed and cherish them as well because they too played a role in getting me where I am now. I surround myself with positive, loving, supportive people and they uplift me in a way I could never do myself. Their is a difference between doing art and LOVING art! 

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

Thursday, January 7, 2010

from flashing lights to snowey winter nights

Well, I made a move from Houston to Arkansas Christmas week. I love it here so far. A lot of elderly people and room for me to make a mark in the art scene. Let's do this!