Tuesday, January 26, 2010

My sheep will follow.

Johnathon Michael Espinoza: threeak@yahoo.com

I have a few days left in this nameless town. I can hold my chin in the air when I say I have accomplished what I came for. Because the reason I did come here is to find out why I came here. What was I running away from? What were my intentions with a grandmother I don't have the best relationship with and a grandfather I don't know at all? I like to think everything I do will ripple upon the influences to the people closest to me. This black and white era of my life was surely predestined. I always knew I wanted to get away and what a great opportunity it would put before me. This experience has allowed me to step outside this large box and get a peek at my life and pinch of the world I'm missing out on. I came here to look for some kind of closure to the past in search of a door for my future. I certainly was not going to open a door sitting on my ass. Not that I do. I have gotten far in a short span of time. I'm proud of that yet still modest for I know I could have done more. I know I will eat myself alive if I dwell on the "what if's". I just take what life gives me and run with it. I don't do a lot of shit for the glory or compliments, acknowledgment or money. I put every ounce of energy I have into my art because it is my god given talent and I would be a fool not to use it to make an impact on the world to it's intended potential. I simply look at the things I previously listed as markers, as to where I came from and where I'm headed. And all I hope for is that I leave an everlasting impression in the sands of time, my legacy means the world to me. I want to be spoken of highly from prideful forgiving mouths of all ages. I want people to over hear that conversation and feel the urge to butt in, just to get a feeling of warmth knowing that they aren't the only one who I have impacted. That's what the fuck I want. I want a moment of silence for bittersweet reminiscence. I want that tingle on the spine, whisper in the ear, awkward eye contact, sugar on the tongue sensation when my name is merely uttered amongst a chaotic crowd. Yeah, I want it that deep. Now is the time to make this happen. Even through all the hardships and teary eyed agony I've prevailed I like to think it was preparing me for what lied ahead. And if not. I'll make it be worth something because I have to power to do so. I see this as my second coming. The world has wondered aimlessly without my guidance long enough. I'll stay true to my work and my sheep will follow.

1 comment:

  1. this is by far the best blog i have read.

    the chance to make a difference is what i always wanted.
    to help give a voice to ones that look up to our future work,
    and get what i've always wanted to not feel lost or loose my ambition to proceed.

    we will make a difference, lets make it happen.