Friday, January 7, 2011

My Masterpiece

First things first, hit up Starbucks for a venti. I'ma be up a while and I need that for my venting. I sip & reflect upon what my brother told me last night. It tears me up inside to recap & get all teary eyed. It kills me inside out to know that everything he said maybe, might, could be right. Shit, look at me still. Habitual denial. I just want to get ahead is what I'm thinking. I keep fuckin myself over. It comes involuntarily like blinking. Nobody but me can swim, yet I stay in the ship that's continually sinking. I've passed up plenty opportunities people waited their whole lives for. I've accomplished plenty of things people wasted their whole lives for. It really seems like I can't say anything about myself that's not over the line of modesty. Everything I never dreamed of will be done before my next birthday & I'm only 21. Honestly. Every time I try and help out somebody else I bring myself down. That shit kind of bothers me. So, I stop myself in the middle & start re-thinking. Logically. My coffee just lost its heat & is coming to its last sips. I swear some unusual things are worse then the ordinary things the rest of the world would use for abuse. For example the things that I'm saying to myself are a closed mouth and a slit wrist. Big vein, pour out, big pain. When it rains it pours. When it snows it blows. I enjoy metaphors. Rain quenched my thirst & snow will treat my nose. If I die young I hope its from one of those. I'd hate to leave my fate in another persons hands. I'd take my own life if I ever end up living somebody else's plans. And right now I'm in demand, but lately it just feels like I'm a slave to my clients cuz to sell I'm just at your command. My life is bittersweet. Suck it up bitch. Get a taste. Oh, but you always win cuz no matter my feelings of highs and lows. Beautiful art is the result of the two of those. The right path is never what it seems to me. Every time I reach where I want to be, I get rerouted to the spot where I use to be. I guess that means all the people I pass up get to see me again, so you may as well get use to me. I take what I can get & that's pretty much everything. I sometimes snap back in time and smirk cuz I know what could have became of that present me. Not many believed in me or assisted me. I guess that's what makes up the percentage of the demented me. I don't complain about the past or anything cuz its the best of both worlds that invented me. All I plea is that you look at me, acknowledge me. Differently. A bit ironic but the ending of this is a simultaneous open welcoming. I cordially invite you to the journey of thoughts, on the dirtiest back roads, to my. Mastered. Peace. Masterpiece.

Johnathon Michael Espinoza:

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